So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
