Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
