I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
