I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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