the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
