you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
