I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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