Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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