Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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