ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
