Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize