its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize