READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You are the jesus of drinking
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
