What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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