I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
