so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
