I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Randomize
