considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
