Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
