And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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