Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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