is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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