I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
