Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
farters have to be the big spoon...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
