Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
