Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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