You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
