Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
