My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
