True but thats because hes a fetus.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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