but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
