one two three fourrrrnication!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
