dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
