Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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