Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
