Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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