Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
