Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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