I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
