I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
