Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
