I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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