He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
