His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
love makes seman taste better
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize