I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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