id be glad to
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
