I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
