Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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