there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
