well you can't waste a boner
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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