Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
