I swear she didn't look like that last week.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize