I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
