I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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