Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize