i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
