Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
