sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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