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I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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