His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
