If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We're too hungover to prance.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
