Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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