I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
