nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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