i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize