yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
