Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
