Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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