I hate your face
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize