Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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